All Kinds of Perfect

I was reading a fellow mother's blog (one of those I stay up late to read) and once again feeling my own worries being echoed in her thoughts. Worries of the future for her little boy - so tiny and new and innocent - and how this world would be to him - a child with SB. How will others treat him, look at him, question them, avoid him? Will it be noticeable that he is different? Will there be prolonged absences from school, daily trips to the school nurse, walkers or wheelchairs or leg braces to set him apart? Will his friends wonder why he can't participate in the football game, or why he has to have surgery again or why he never goes to the bathroom when the class does.

Right now we still have little ones - who depend on us for everything. They just drink in every sound and soak up every image - but aren't expected to do much of anything yet. And as a mother it breaks your heart to think about what your child may or may never be able to do. That perfect picture we have of our children running down the stairs or dancing in the living room...whatever your image is...what if that never happens?

No one should ever have to think about that.

But after moments like this (and we all have them) I take a deep breath - and tell myself what I've been telling myself since that January day. I'm not in control, and thank you GOD for that. My son is a gift that I would never have given myself if I was in control. Because honestly, if we were in charge - and could write our own futures - no one would ever write in "and my first child will be born with a birth defect". There that sounds right. No! Never. We would want everything to be perfect! And in my nearsightedness I would never have thought of giving myself this little boy. And hence my life wouldn't be complete - for with my baby - THIS baby God gave me - things are perfect. Not easy. Not without tears. Not predictable. But perfect.

My sweet SB mommies, it is true our chilren will have hard times...

... and so will every child who loses a parent, battles a behavior disorder, struggles in school, or experiences heartbreak. There are so many things in this world that we, all parents, will try to protect our children from. And sometimes we will - and sometimes we can't. But you know what? They will have wonderful times...maybe a visit to the zoo, a birthday party with friends, popsicles in the summer, snowballs in the winter, game nights with family, picnics in the living room- they will experience childhood!

And what a blessing that is!

So for now, we'll rock them to sleep, see to every need, and kiss them goodnight

...and I don't know about you,

but to me,

that's all kinds of perfect.