Anniversaries

The holidays are officially winding down in our house. Family has gone home, Daddy is back to work, the decorations are finally put away, and though a few houses around still have their Christmas lights up (and lets just face it...those aren't coming down...ever) it's beginning to look at lot like plain ol' winter. But this past week we did celebrate a birthday (Happy Birthday Mema) and we did recognize an anniversary. Actually...we recognized 2 anniversaries. Twins you might say...except that they are exactly one day apart. The first anniversary is not the kind you celebrate...but it is the kind you never forget. It is the anniversary of the day I felt my world crumble around me and I'd have liked to buried myself in the rubble and never come out. It is the day we were told our little unborn baby had no hope at a healthy, happy life. The day we were told to just give this one up and start over. The day we learned about SB. Last year - 1 year since that day - it snowed - covering everything with a beautiful light blanket of renewal, simplicity, and peace.

It felt as if God was whispering "I remember...I was with you...I am still with you...and I make all things new."

This past Friday marks 2 years since that day. And I still remember with perfect clarity - the heartache. I remember how the tears actually hurt my eyes as I sobbed. I remember how my head felt as if it would burst as I tried to comprehend what was happening. I remember looking at David...and then looking at nothing...trying to make my mind go blank. I remember hours of going numb...then suddenly feeling as if I was being ripped apart. I remember being so angry...but even more - so deeply hurt at how this could happen. How could He let this happen? And every time I hear about someone losing a child, anyone facing this kind of pain and heartache - it brings all those feelings back - and my throat goes tight and I cannot help but cry for them. Oh how I wish I could take it away.

No one should ever have to feel that way.

It's the deepest hurt I've every felt.

Crushing. Suffocating. Heartbreaking.

But this year, as I stood in my mom's kitchen and watched my little boy toddle around the floor and play with his Aunt Kay - amid the feelings of gratitude and love and pure awe of God's mercy - I felt a gentle reminder that this isn't the only anniversary I should be reflecting on...nor is it the most powerful.

For as I stood in the kitchen, my mom pointed to a family of bluebirds out the window - "Look" she said. "Look at how many there are today. On the day you found out about Jet's diagnosis - my heat was breaking for you. I remember coming to the window and looking out - and seeing the bluest bird I've ever seen. I'd been waiting for them and hadn't seen a single one all winter. They are my favorite bird - so beautiful. And I looked out the window and there he was. And I knew. God was taking care of you. God was going to make it all okay. And I just had to trust Him, and wait." I remember her telling me that last year, and this year as we stood there seeing at least 4 or 5 of God's little promises fly around her bird feeder,

I wasn't brought back to the day of pain and suffering...

I was brought back to the day of a beautiful miracle.

And there in my heart I celebrated the second anniversary.

The anniversary of the next day.

The day we got in the car and went for a second ultrasound. The "second opinion". Where the second doctor would check things out and tell us what was happening with our baby. For the second time I watched as the ultrasound tech pointed out our little one's tiny fingers and toes - but this time I cried silently through the whole thing as she was unknowingly tearing out my heart with every word she said. How could I look at my sweet little boy knowing I was going to lose him. Knowing he was not okay. When the doctor came in we were prepared to hear the devastating news for the second time.

But we didn't.

For in one day's time things had completely changed. Our baby did indeed have SB - but it was not as life-threatening as originally thought or seen on the first ultrasound (what? confused? read more here). I could hardly breathe - I was stunned - not willing to let myself believe him at first. But as we talked I not only knew that the doctor wasn't making any sense - I knew why he couldn't explain it -

"...the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned." 1 Corinthians 2:14-15

The reason the doctor's explanation sounded weak was because it wasn't medically reasonable. - it was divinely miraculous. God had made possible what I hadn't dared to hope for. I had prayed for a miracle - and God gave it to me - even when I didn't think it would happen.

I have never been so humbled. So thankful. So loved. So sure.

On the second day...God gave our baby a second chance at life.

I don't claim to know everything. Nor do I understand why some don't ever get to celebrate this "second anniversary." It breaks my heart to know that is true.

But I know God's hand is over it all.

And I know He loves His children.

And I trust Him to make everything new in His time.

So this year, I am remembering to celebrate that second anniversary.

The day God showed us He is still in control...

...and the day we learned everything is going to be okay.

Right on Track

Why does it seem like just when you're wanting to try something new (eating healthy, working out, less TV more outside time) something inevitably happens to make that more difficult? Like - you're sick and don't feel like cooking - so it's pizza time.

Or it's freezing cold and your son has an ear infection so going outside is not a good idea.

Well, my new years resolution for Jet is to try to get him to eat more variety - not just offer him his "comfort" foods that I know he'll eat. I have a picky boy - so all you "oh my child loves broccli" or "she'll at anything I put in front of her" mommies just zip it. ;) You're lucky. Now don't get me wrong - I know it's normal for toddlers to be selective. I've had so much encouragement from mothers who tell me their kid "only ate peanut butter for a year" or "only likes white foods." lol. But I'm telling you - this kid is super picky.

I still can't get him to like eggs, PB (on anything...bread, crackers, apples...nope. Doesn't like it), apple sauce, potatoes, ham and cheese - stuff kids like! His only fruits of choice are grape and watermelon. No veggies - I've seen him eat peas once and corn maybe 3 times. That was months ago. He eats oatmeal every morning (this seriously makes my day), his current favorite for lunch is grilled cheese, and dinner is usually whatever we're having (which he doesn't eat) and then later his weight in grapes. lol. He' great with drinking milk (okay...so maybe there's a little chocolate syrup in there...but I was desperate!) and water...but no juice. And as of late he can hear an m&m from a mile away.

What? You don't think m&m's make noise...oh but they do. And he can find them.

He even knows where they like to hide...

...in small bowls around the house....but not at my house...

at his Nina' house...which is why he didn't find any this time. ;)

But even though he's picky - we're still trying. And those cute little toddler plates with the little sections keep me motivated to fill them up with various choices...just in case.

Another resolution has been more independent play - less "mommy entertain me" or shaking the remote trying to turn the TV on. I'm telling you...some kids flat out ignore the TV...Jet acts like if he's not watching it the earth will stop turning. Now don't panic - I've never let him just sit in from of the TV all day- but even the morning cartoons were stretching out a little too long for my mommy-conscience. So now we get 1 or 2 shows with breakfast - then it's playtime till naptime. And that's it. He doesn't even act like he misses it. And you know what has made this transition particularly easy....

The amazing train set and train table Jet got for Christmas! (Thank you Nina and Papi)

Jet is in L-O-V-E with T-R-A-I-N-S.

He knows what they are - he's obsessed with the little faces on them (from Thomas the Tank Engine...and yes...he found that show ONCE and was hooked) - he loves to pick them up and take them with him everywhere....

I mean everywhere.

I find them on the floor - I know I'm gonna step on one someday and really hurt myself.

But for now I don't mind - cause I love seeing him play with them.

He plays so seriously with them that it brings out the "concentration tongue-sticking-out" face.

It's a blast. I love watching him. I get this "I have a little boy" smile in my heart.

He's so careful with them (when we're not teaching him not to throw them) and will go over to the room where they are if I say "Go play with your trains." I love it. :)

So while as a mommy I worry about his nutrition, his sleep, his physical activity (or therapy) and his playtime. It's easy to see when I stop and look at him - smiling, playing, walking

(yep...I said walking!)

That we are doing okay.

We are where we need to be.

And we are right on track.

Resolutions

Last night was New Years Eve.

A night that always brings me back my childhood - when staying up till midnight was both exciting and exhausting. lol. Yes, even then I had a hard time staying up late - so I can't really blame the fact that I was in bed by 10pm last night on mommy-hood. ;) But I remember the fireworks, the the anticipation, the always-hilarious charades played every year at my cousin's house. The beginning of a new year was something new to write at the top right-hand side of your schoolwork. Buying new calendars from the kiosk at the mall (which reminds me...I need to get some!). The feeling that we get to start all over again - a new year of holidays and birthdays - people making new resolutions and goals. My sister-in-law, Kelly, asked us all last night what our favorite moment from 2010 was and wow...you know I have a TON! Looking back it's so easy to be thankful - so happy with everything we have had this year. But looking ahead...that's a different experience.

Because it's the future...made up of the unknown and unforeseen.

It's exciting...and intimidating.

I was never one for making resolutions - promises that I was too scared I wouldn't be able to keep. Perhaps it was the "perfectionist gene" creeping up in me - but it always seemed like a way of setting yourself up for failure. I'd rather take each day as it comes and do the best I can for that day.

It just seemed safer that way.

And in a way that is true. And in a way I now strive to live that way - taking one day at a time, not borrowing any worries from tomorrow. Doing our best with each day we are given - and not judging ourselves to harshly if we somedays...we just can't...or simply don't.

Recognizing our strengths and weaknesses and keeping them both in perspective.

But in other ways - I think resolutions might be a better idea than I once believed. I think we as human beings can have a tendency to get "stuck." Stuck in a routine...a mindset...a habit...or even an attitude. The right resolutions are a way to shake things up. A good reminder that we are not "done" - we are never finished learning, growing, improving, and bettering ourselves. There is always more to aspire to - something to work towards. Resolutions can be a great kick-start to the year - a motivator for the things we'd like to see happen in our lives - something to hope for.

So this year I'm making some New Year's resolutions...for the very first time.

I'm resolved to cherish every moment of motherhood...and not miss out on the joy it brings...

...the "eyes-disappear-from-smiling-so-big" kind of joy.

I'm resolved to look for the positive in every day...even when at times I want to cry...

I'm resolved to explore new possibilities...without letting myself be overwhelmed by them...

I'm resolved to enjoy life and not be afraid to relax, laugh more, and be silly...

I'm resolved to stop and take a deep, cleansing breath every day... I don't want to miss something beautiful because I was moving too fast.

And I'm resolved to keep believing that "the sky is the limit" and passing that on to our little pilot ;)...because nothing is impossible with God. He has proven this to us over and over again.

So keep reaching for the stars little man! You have a Father in Heaven who is lifting you up...

And as for here on earth... you are loved to the moon and back.

Nineteen Months and New Nephews

Okay so after Jet turns 2 years I think I'm gonna retire this "monthly birthday blog post" cause I'm just not good at keeping up with it anymore! :) Especially when it falls the day after Christmas. But we did manage to snap a few pics of our 19month old at his Grandmother and Granddad's house over the holiday.

Here is Jet sitting in Grandmother's childhood rocking chair watching Curious George on TV.

Did I mention Jet likes Curious George?

Jet also had the opportunity to meet his new little cousin!

David's brother and his wife, Stacie, came all the way from Florida for the holidays with their little dog Chloe and 11 day old baby Daniel - brave souls.

And I'm so glad they did. :)

Jet wasn't too sure about Chloe...

He tended to head for higher ground when the puppy came running up to him.

And here he is showing his interest in his little cousin...

NOT!

Lol. Yes - there was snow outside that Jet had yet to discover and babies just can't compete with snow.

Unless your a first time Aunt who loves to take pictures...

In which case babies blow snow out of the water. :)

I adored taking pictures of my tiniest model to date! He was perfect.

And since Jet demanded his grandparents full attention while we were over there...

I got to hold my sweet nephew and keep him all to myself. :) He was pure snuggly sweetness.

I know the next time we see him he will have changed so much - as babies often do - so I'm so glad we got this special time and I was able to take a few precious photos to adorn our fridge and hallways until our next visit.

Welcome to the family baby Daniel.

It's a good one. :)

White Christmas

Guess what we had?

Yep. Georgia had a WHITE CHRISTMAS! Crazy! We never get snow - and while to northerners and onlookers from other parts of the world our snow is but a "dusting" - to us it was can't-leave-the-house-cancel-everything-do-we-have-enough-milk-and-bread weather. Being "snowed-in" just doesn't happen down here in the South - so it was surreal. And beautiful.

Jet couldn't wait to go out in it the next day.

Or so he thought...once we were out there he was pretty chilly and got all bunny-faced with the icy wind blowing.

But we had time to make a few footprints...

Snap a few photos...

And do the "now-what" pose with the child who has never played in the snow before.

Overall it was so fun to see Jet in the snow again.

We had some snow last winter and to have some again this year was extra lucky. Next year if it snows, there will be snow angels, snow ball fights, snowmen, snow cones (okay maybe not snow cones - but wouldn't that be fun?!) and everything that comes with it.

But for now, we'll just snuggle in our cozy house...

...and enjoy the magic that Christmas snow brings.

Merry Christmas

I can't figure out how to put our Christmas card up here.

But here are some of the pics we used. :)

The family photo is rare and hard to come by - I imagine it only gets more difficult as the years go by - whether it's more kids to juggle or busy schedules that make it hard to coordinate - I know the family picture is something to be celebrated - and I love these. :)

Taken by the talented Jason Pendley at Jet's 18 month session. Speaking of rare - I can't believe Jet's even looking at the camera. :)

So from our family to yours -