As I sat on the couch watching Regis and Kelly a few mornings ago (a rarity since "The Cartoon Nazi" - formerly known as Jet Penny - usually rejects such morning habits) I found myself living the dream.
Yes.
This is my dream.
I can still remember those summer days when school was finally out - and we (my brother, sister and I) would wake up in the lazy-late morning, eat our cheerios on the couch and watch Regis and Kathy Lee (yep...we go way back). And I would think Wow...Mommy gets to do this every day...she is so lucky. I remember it as one of the most relaxing things ever. It was a symbol of freedom. Nothing to do - we're home together - and we're watching Regis. When I was home sick - it was one of the things that made me feel better. Then my college days - I'd come home from and early class to catch the end of Regis and Kelly while my mom rode the stationary bike in our garage (lol. you're welcome Momma.) and think I can't believe she still watches this every morning...she is so lucky. Now - here I am. At home on a weekday morning - feeding my son his oatmeal because he refuses to pick a spoon for any length of time, and thinking I can't believe he's letting me watch Regis and Kelly...I am so lucky.
So lucky to to be able to lounge around on the occasional day when there's no therapy appointments, doctors visits, photography sessions or urgent grocery-shopping trips. It's even nice to have a break from the the fun extra things like Gymboree classes, Library Time, playdates at the park or mommy's "retail therapy" at Target. Those things are fun...but being at home...is nice.
And apparently I'm not the only one who thinks so.
Things have been really busy over the past few months. Not days. Not weeks. Months. I'm talking borderline crazy. Okay honestly - we crossed that border a couple of times and things were downright ridiculously crazy. Sometimes it was good crazy...but more often it was overwhelming-stressful -"what is happening here?!" -crazy. There were late nights followed by early mornings. Skipped showers and forgotten appointments.
It was "curls gone wild" for the little man. And momma...well....thank goodness I'm the one behind the camera.
To try and explain everything that went on would take more time than I have energy to devote to it. But let's just say the past 2 months have been something along of the lines of - 3 loved ones in 3 different hospitals (sometimes at the same time), 1 ER visit with the little guy, 9 weddings (working not attending), some out-of-town family visits, our 5 year anniversary, 5 birthdays, 1 big birthday party, speaking at a Ladies Retreat on "healing and blessings", a last-minute amazing fundraiser, and several emotional journeys of love and loss - waiting and praying - hurting and healing.
And lots of praying.
My heart has worked harder than my body - but my body is pretty darn tired. And I'm not alone in that I know. In fact - none of the big things were really happening to me - but around me. And that's hard in it's own way. Hard to know what to do...where to be...who to help and how.
And the craziest part of all - it's not really over. It's never really over is it? But I feel things slowing down. My brain is starting to process things better. I'm going to bed a little earlier. I'm feeling a little less panic and a little more peace. And I'm praying a little more peace on all the people I love who have been going through a lot (often more than I have) as well.
I have learned so much from you.
I think of you every day.
I love you more than ever.
I'm so happy to have you in my life.
If you think I'm talking to you...I am.
There are more than one of you...so don't overthink it.
Just know...everything is going to be okay.
I can feel it.
Just as I feel excited about our trip next week to CALIFORNIA.
Oh my goodness gracious I am so ready for this trip!
Well...not really "ready" per say....I haven't done much at all in preparation. But emotionally - I am ready!
Normally before a big trip you feel more anxious. Things to do! Suitcases to pack! Lists to make then cross off! AHH!
But all I feel is...well...joy? Yes - that's it. Joy. I smile when I think of it. I take a deep breath and sigh. Sometimes I even get teary-eyed. For those of you who don't know why a trip California could make me cry (lol) I will explain.
It's because we are going to THIS. The National Conference of the Spina Bifida Association. If I had more brain cells I'd explain it more but bottom line - this means so many things to me right now. It represents my family - my miracle boy - the amazing friends that have been with us from the beginning and/or have now helped us be able to attend. It means education, validation, representation and motivation. It means sweet reunions with dear friends. It means the beach, Yogurtland, pizookies, sunny days and breezy nights. It means Disneyland! Jet is carefully planning his wardrobe...
...and studying up on his princesses in preparation.
It means laughter, lazy-dayz, and lots and lots of love. SO much love that I would have never experienced if not for the one thing that I never would have chosen in our lives - spina bifida.
And that...is what makes me cry.
The fact that God is using us - using this trial in our lives - for blessings. Mixing the tears of worry and fear with tears of joy and relief. I've never cried so much as I do now that I'm a mother - and I'm not sure if that's just a rite of passage or just me! lol. But I'm glad I do. Because it allows me to feel so many emotions that I wouldn't trade for anything. It makes me appreciative. It makes me compassionate. It makes me honest.
It makes me...me.
He makes me, me.
So get ready California!
There may be tears - whether they will be mine or Jet's (or BOTH) after a 4 hour plane ride I don't know! lol. But we are ready! We are coming! And we are so so excited!
