"We worry about what a child will become tomorrow,
yet we forget that he is someone today" ~Stacia Tauscher
I came across this quote and it spoke to me.
I know I'm not alone in feeling that I need this reminder daily. Not that I worry daily - I really don't feel like I do. But there is always that tendency in the back of my mind to try to plan, predict, prevent - and I forget to take pleasure. Pleasure in the little joys all around me - the simple things I take for granted. I become stressed so easily I'm ashamed to say - frustration always seems to be just underneath the surface of my emotions. Frustration at doctors, the insurance company, the million things on my "life to-do list" that flitter around my head and remind me I haven't done them yet. I sometimes feel like I've got ostrich-syndrome and just bury my head in the sand when things get to overwhelming. I think "I can't deal with this right now!" I recently told our Children's Medical Services coordinator (when she asked if we'd applied for SSI yet...and no...we hadn't) that "on the days he's sick, or has doctors visits, or PT I just don't have the brain cells to remember these things...and on the days we're fine...I just don't want to remember these things...I want to enjoy normal life! I want to read books, and take my baby to Target and not have to think about SSI." She was totally understanding - and I didn't feel like it was a great excuse...but it was true. And I left feeling frustrated again with myself for not being more proactive. There's so much I need to do! Why?! Why does it never end!?
But then I heard about a family who lost their 5 year old daughter to brain cancer. And then another family who lost their 2 year old in a horrible accident choking on a piece of apple. And I remember all the little babies lost at birth like little Eli - so many tragedies - so much heartbreak. And I am overwhelmed with how life can change in an instant - how at any moment it could all end and I wouldn't have these frustrations anymore...but at a cost that no one ever would want to pay.
And I stop right then and praise God for His mercy and wisdom. For showing me perspective every time I need it -and loving me in ways I can't see on my own.
I am so thankful for the doctors and the phone calls and the paperwork - because they mean I still have this little someone...
Someone who is worth it all - and I can do it for him.
Someone who takes joy in the simple things like kitties and the feel of the window -smooth and cool on his skin.
And I don't really have it that bad after all...
The truth is I have it so, so good...