Thursday, January 13, 2011

Because it's kind of a big deal...

I know you know.
Well, most of you know.
But even if you already know... or especially if you don't know...
I'm still gonna blog about it.
Because it's still new.

Because I'm so proud of him.

(lol. Don't ask about this pic...I'll only say we were running out of ideas. haha)

And because in our little's kind of a big deal.

Jet. Is. Walking.

Oh yeah...go's yur birthday....uh-huh...

Not just your occasional few teetering steps from the couch to the chair. Really walking. Now I'm not sayin he's ready to run a marathon or anything...but you guys...he is walking!!
(insert girly squeal, wide eyes, and hands in the air)
And you know what? Do you wanna know the most amazing thing about this whole experience?
It's you.
The fact that YOU - all of you - know what a big deal this is. The fact that I don't have to explain to you why I'm excited about it or why I still follow him around like he's gonna topple over. You're not the cashier at the checkout wondering why I'm letting my son walk around the store instead of just putting him the cart to make things easier. You're not the mom of the 1 year old who's running laps around my 19 month old - my 19 month old with hands high in the air to "balance himself" - wondering I'm the one grinning from ear to ear. You're not the receptionist at the doctor's office wondering why my 19 month old is still losing his balance a little then dropping to a crawl to get somewhere fast. I don't feel the need to say "He's just learning to walk...he was born with SB..." then beam at you like you have any idea what I'm talking about. :)
You've been there from the beginning.
You've loved us from the start.
And you know exactly what I'm talking about.

And you are beaming with me.

And that...knowing the very best part.

Because every blessing, every milestone, every "we didn't know if we'd ever see him do this" is enhanced by the love, support, and excitement that we see in your faces, hear in your words, and read in your comments. Each step is more meaningful knowing you are right there with us cheering him on....shaking your heads in amazement...smiling with pride while your eyes fill with tears thankfulness to God.

Because it's not the walking itself that you love.
It's our little boy...our little miracle.

It's his spirit...his inner strength...his sense of wonder...the love he inspires.

Switch the walking for a wheelchair - does the pride go away? No! Does the love fade? Never! Do the tears of thankfulness to God, for this little boy and the life he lives, simply dry up? Absolutely not! I know they don't.
Because you and I are the same.

And the love, pride, support, and gratitude I feel for you and your sweet babies and children is the same. It's an amazing surge of pride when I see one of our little buddies roll over, pull to stand, use a walker/wheelchair/crutches/leg braces to move independently. Do you know why? It's not all the hard work they've done or the time and effort of their parents to get them their - don't get me wrong - I am inspired greatly by that. It is the stuff of heros. The overcoming of the impossible. It is the foundation of greatness. But the thing that brings joy to my heart and tears to my eyes are their smiling faces. The look on their face when they control their own movements - when they did it by themselves - when they know they are doing something amazing and new - when they feel that pride and happiness in their little hearts... and they smile. It gets me.

It really gets me.

I can't think of anything more beautiful, more inspiring, more uplifting...

...than that smile.

I know you know that smile. I've seen it on your babies. :) It's amazing isn't it? Soak it in. Let it fill you up. My cup runneth over with their smiles.
With his smile.

That radiant smile that is only made richer by the heartfelt smiles it brings about in all of you. You make our smiles into sunbeams that radiate beyond our little family, and bring warmth to a much bigger community. And what a blessing, what an honor, to be a part of that community.

To know we are not alone.

We are in this together.

And when we fall...

We will lift each other up and make each other smile again...

And we are holding onto each other every day...

...because as wonderful as this new gift is...
No one should ever have to walk alone.

Dedicated to all the little angles who continue to inspire us.
"Being deeply loved gives you strength. Loving someone deeply brings you courage"
- Lao Tzu

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Snow Day

So if you've watched the weather channel in the last couple of days you may be aware...the South has SNOW! And not just the "oh wow flurries!" kind. The "can't-leave-the-house-cars-are-sliding-all-over-the-road-enough-for-real-snowmen-AND-snow-ball-fights" kind. It's crazy beautiful. was crazy it's lookin' kinda chopped up and muddy. But it's just amazing to see this kind of snow (the "covers-the-ground-sticks-to-the-road-and-doesn't-melt-by-noon!" kind) We heard it was coming...but in Georgia you have to "see it to believe it" when snow is predicted.
And let me tell you - I see it - and I believe it.
Now I know you big tough northerners look at our "little blizzard" like something to be ordered from Dairy Queen for dessert. But we are not prepared for this kind of snow in the South! The "schools-are-closed-can't-go-to-work-roads-are-closed-STARBUCKS-IS-CLOSED" kind! So after the state-wide rush for bread and milk - we are all stuck - at home - or wherever you were when it hit. And it hit fast! One minute it was poppin' up all over facebook "snow!" "it's here!" and David and I were looking out the window at nothing - not even a freezing rain drop. The next minute - it was POURING SNOW! (is that possible? Yes. Yes it is.) It was glitter-like and swirling around like confetti - big flakes - little flurries - making it all but impossible to see further than your front porch lights. Snow at night = magical. Unless of course you were driving in it! (silly Aunt Kay and Mr. Bat) The next day we woke up to this ...
Bundled up the Boo and ventured out.
It was deep! We're talking tops of your shoes here people! ;) And it was crunchy...and cold...and actually slippery. We decided it was not a good time to let Jet practice walking.

It really wasn't a good time to be driving either...but look who surprised us?
Aunt Kelly, Uncle Nate and "H.U." Robert (honorary uncle) :) came for a quick visit...and some snuggles.
And an idea for Jet to enjoy the snow. we enjoyed it too.
Which turned out to be better than Daddy's idea.
We didn't stay out too long - which was probably good as Boo didn't seem to be a big fan of the snow anyway.
Or maybe it's just cause we took him from his Uncle Nate. :)
Either way, it was a fun little outing for the little boy...
And the big boys seemed to enjoy it too...
So after playing (and by "playing" I mean "walking around very carefully") in our winter wonderland...we went inside, pulled off our wet boots and coats, and settled down for a long winter's nap.
But every time we looked out our window we saw this...
And knew more exciting things were just around the corner...waiting for us...
...just like they always are. :)

Saturday, January 8, 2011


The holidays are officially winding down in our house. Family has gone home, Daddy is back to work, the decorations are finally put away, and though a few houses around still have their Christmas lights up (and lets just face it...those aren't coming down...ever) it's beginning to look at lot like plain ol' winter. But this past week we did celebrate a birthday (Happy Birthday Mema) and we did recognize an anniversary. Actually...we recognized 2 anniversaries. Twins you might say...except that they are exactly one day apart. The first anniversary is not the kind you celebrate...but it is the kind you never forget. It is the anniversary of the day I felt my world crumble around me and I'd have liked to buried myself in the rubble and never come out. It is the day we were told our little unborn baby had no hope at a healthy, happy life. The day we were told to just give this one up and start over. The day we learned about SB. Last year - 1 year since that day - it snowed - covering everything with a beautiful light blanket of renewal, simplicity, and peace.
It felt as if God was whispering "I remember...I was with you...I am still with you...and I make all things new."

This past Friday marks 2 years since that day. And I still remember with perfect clarity - the heartache. I remember how the tears actually hurt my eyes as I sobbed. I remember how my head felt as if it would burst as I tried to comprehend what was happening. I remember looking at David...and then looking at nothing...trying to make my mind go blank. I remember hours of going numb...then suddenly feeling as if I was being ripped apart. I remember being so angry...but even more - so deeply hurt at how this could happen. How could He let this happen? And every time I hear about someone losing a child, anyone facing this kind of pain and heartache - it brings all those feelings back - and my throat goes tight and I cannot help but cry for them. Oh how I wish I could take it away.
No one should ever have to feel that way.
It's the deepest hurt I've every felt.
Crushing. Suffocating. Heartbreaking.
But this year, as I stood in my mom's kitchen and watched my little boy toddle around the floor and play with his Aunt Kay - amid the feelings of gratitude and love and pure awe of God's mercy - I felt a gentle reminder that this isn't the only anniversary I should be reflecting on...nor is it the most powerful.
For as I stood in the kitchen, my mom pointed to a family of bluebirds out the window - "Look" she said. "Look at how many there are today. On the day you found out about Jet's diagnosis - my heat was breaking for you. I remember coming to the window and looking out - and seeing the bluest bird I've ever seen. I'd been waiting for them and hadn't seen a single one all winter. They are my favorite bird - so beautiful. And I looked out the window and there he was. And I knew. God was taking care of you. God was going to make it all okay. And I just had to trust Him, and wait." I remember her telling me that last year, and this year as we stood there seeing at least 4 or 5 of God's little promises fly around her bird feeder,
I wasn't brought back to the day of pain and suffering...
I was brought back to the day of a beautiful miracle.
And there in my heart I celebrated the second anniversary.
The anniversary of the next day.
The day we got in the car and went for a second ultrasound. The "second opinion". Where the second doctor would check things out and tell us what was happening with our baby. For the second time I watched as the ultrasound tech pointed out our little one's tiny fingers and toes - but this time I cried silently through the whole thing as she was unknowingly tearing out my heart with every word she said. How could I look at my sweet little boy knowing I was going to lose him. Knowing he was not okay. When the doctor came in we were prepared to hear the devastating news for the second time.
But we didn't.
For in one day's time things had completely changed. Our baby did indeed have SB - but it was not as life-threatening as originally thought or seen on the first ultrasound (what? confused? read more here). I could hardly breathe - I was stunned - not willing to let myself believe him at first. But as we talked I not only knew that the doctor wasn't making any sense - I knew why he couldn't explain it -

"...the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned." 1 Corinthians 2:14-15

The reason the doctor's explanation sounded weak was because it wasn't medically reasonable. - it was divinely miraculous. God had made possible what I hadn't dared to hope for. I had prayed for a miracle - and God gave it to me - even when I didn't think it would happen.
I have never been so humbled. So thankful. So loved. So sure.
On the second day...God gave our baby a second chance at life.
I don't claim to know everything. Nor do I understand why some don't ever get to celebrate this "second anniversary." It breaks my heart to know that is true.
But I know God's hand is over it all.
And I know He loves His children.
And I trust Him to make everything new in His time.

So this year, I am remembering to celebrate that second anniversary.
The day God showed us He is still in control...
...and the day we learned everything is going to be okay.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Right on Track

Why does it seem like just when you're wanting to try something new (eating healthy, working out, less TV more outside time) something inevitably happens to make that more difficult? Like - you're sick and don't feel like cooking - so it's pizza time.
Or it's freezing cold and your son has an ear infection so going outside is not a good idea.
Well, my new years resolution for Jet is to try to get him to eat more variety - not just offer him his "comfort" foods that I know he'll eat. I have a picky boy - so all you "oh my child loves broccli" or "she'll at anything I put in front of her" mommies just zip it. ;) You're lucky. Now don't get me wrong - I know it's normal for toddlers to be selective. I've had so much encouragement from mothers who tell me their kid "only ate peanut butter for a year" or "only likes white foods." lol. But I'm telling you - this kid is super picky.
I still can't get him to like eggs, PB (on anything...bread, crackers, apples...nope. Doesn't like it), apple sauce, potatoes, ham and cheese - stuff kids like! His only fruits of choice are grape and watermelon. No veggies - I've seen him eat peas once and corn maybe 3 times. That was months ago. He eats oatmeal every morning (this seriously makes my day), his current favorite for lunch is grilled cheese, and dinner is usually whatever we're having (which he doesn't eat) and then later his weight in grapes. lol. He' great with drinking milk ( maybe there's a little chocolate syrup in there...but I was desperate!) and water...but no juice. And as of late he can hear an m&m from a mile away.
What? You don't think m&m's make noise...oh but they do. And he can find them.
He even knows where they like to hide... small bowls around the house....but not at my house...
at his Nina' house...which is why he didn't find any this time. ;)
But even though he's picky - we're still trying. And those cute little toddler plates with the little sections keep me motivated to fill them up with various choices...just in case.
Another resolution has been more independent play - less "mommy entertain me" or shaking the remote trying to turn the TV on. I'm telling you...some kids flat out ignore the TV...Jet acts like if he's not watching it the earth will stop turning. Now don't panic - I've never let him just sit in from of the TV all day- but even the morning cartoons were stretching out a little too long for my mommy-conscience. So now we get 1 or 2 shows with breakfast - then it's playtime till naptime. And that's it. He doesn't even act like he misses it. And you know what has made this transition particularly easy....
The amazing train set and train table Jet got for Christmas! (Thank you Nina and Papi)
Jet is in L-O-V-E with T-R-A-I-N-S.
He knows what they are - he's obsessed with the little faces on them (from Thomas the Tank Engine...and yes...he found that show ONCE and was hooked) - he loves to pick them up and take them with him everywhere....
I mean everywhere.
I find them on the floor - I know I'm gonna step on one someday and really hurt myself.
But for now I don't mind - cause I love seeing him play with them.
He plays so seriously with them that it brings out the "concentration tongue-sticking-out" face.
It's a blast. I love watching him. I get this "I have a little boy" smile in my heart.
He's so careful with them (when we're not teaching him not to throw them) and will go over to the room where they are if I say "Go play with your trains." I love it. :)
So while as a mommy I worry about his nutrition, his sleep, his physical activity (or therapy) and his playtime. It's easy to see when I stop and look at him - smiling, playing, walking
(yep...I said walking!)
That we are doing okay.
We are where we need to be.
And we are right on track.

Saturday, January 1, 2011


Last night was New Years Eve.
A night that always brings me back my childhood - when staying up till midnight was both exciting and exhausting. lol. Yes, even then I had a hard time staying up late - so I can't really blame the fact that I was in bed by 10pm last night on mommy-hood. ;) But I remember the fireworks, the the anticipation, the always-hilarious charades played every year at my cousin's house. The beginning of a new year was something new to write at the top right-hand side of your schoolwork. Buying new calendars from the kiosk at the mall (which reminds me...I need to get some!). The feeling that we get to start all over again - a new year of holidays and birthdays - people making new resolutions and goals. My sister-in-law, Kelly, asked us all last night what our favorite moment from 2010 was and know I have a TON! Looking back it's so easy to be thankful - so happy with everything we have had this year. But looking ahead...that's a different experience.
Because it's the future...made up of the unknown and unforeseen.
It's exciting...and intimidating.
I was never one for making resolutions - promises that I was too scared I wouldn't be able to keep. Perhaps it was the "perfectionist gene" creeping up in me - but it always seemed like a way of setting yourself up for failure. I'd rather take each day as it comes and do the best I can for that day.
It just seemed safer that way.
And in a way that is true. And in a way I now strive to live that way - taking one day at a time, not borrowing any worries from tomorrow. Doing our best with each day we are given - and not judging ourselves to harshly if we somedays...we just can't...or simply don't.
Recognizing our strengths and weaknesses and keeping them both in perspective.
But in other ways - I think resolutions might be a better idea than I once believed. I think we as human beings can have a tendency to get "stuck." Stuck in a routine...a mindset...a habit...or even an attitude. The right resolutions are a way to shake things up. A good reminder that we are not "done" - we are never finished learning, growing, improving, and bettering ourselves. There is always more to aspire to - something to work towards. Resolutions can be a great kick-start to the year - a motivator for the things we'd like to see happen in our lives - something to hope for.

So this year I'm making some New Year's resolutions...for the very first time.
I'm resolved to cherish every moment of motherhood...and not miss out on the joy it brings...
...the "eyes-disappear-from-smiling-so-big" kind of joy.
I'm resolved to look for the positive in every day...even when at times I want to cry...
I'm resolved to explore new possibilities...without letting myself be overwhelmed by them...
I'm resolved to enjoy life and not be afraid to relax, laugh more, and be silly...
I'm resolved to stop and take a deep, cleansing breath every day... I don't want to miss something beautiful because I was moving too fast.
And I'm resolved to keep believing that "the sky is the limit" and passing that on to our little pilot ;)...because nothing is impossible with God. He has proven this to us over and over again.
So keep reaching for the stars little man! You have a Father in Heaven who is lifting you up...
And as for here on earth... you are loved to the moon and back.

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