The Grass is Greener...

...in your own backyard. :)

I know I have sometimes been guilty of having "the grass is greener over there" moments. There is always that friend who always looks so stylish, or that family member who is so creative, or that neighbor who's yard is consistently "yard of the month." Usually I feel inspired or motivated to take action...but sometimes you just feel inferior. And "the grass is greener" feels more like a weight on your chest than fire under your feet. And in the world of SB - it's sometimes better just to "keep off the grass". There is always that child who is sitting, crawling, standing, walking....before your child.

There are those babies with super-human powers that defy the natural developmental stages and are running around at 9 months...and honestly those don't really get to you

...because you know that's not the norm.

And then there are those babies who are advancing beyond your child but are your child's same age...and those sort of start to get to you...

but you know every child is different so you can shrug that off to.

And then, there are those children who are younger than your child...who were not sitting up when your child was, or saying "dada" or starting to crawl...and are now walking around effortlessly...and you see them walking right into the most beautiful green grass...

And you feel that twinge of "am I doing something wrong?" or "am I not helping him enough?"

And worse is the reminder that your child "shouldn't be doing this yet...it's normal for SB."

Isn't that strange...how the term "normal" can seem so... not normal.

Using word normal and SB in the same sentence seems both contradictory and natural.

Our lives are not "normal" in the way that they are not always easy or predictable or able to be controlled....but then again...whose are?

Are any of our lives are free from frustration or worry?

Free from feeling left out or wanting to fix things or experiencing sadness?

Free from wanting the best for our children and always wanting to give them more...

then marveling how we could not ask for more than what they give us every...single...day.

The love they give us every day.

Their smiles that warm us up.

Those little ray of sunshine smiles that heat the earth...

...and make the grass greener...

...in our own backyard.

The Monster under the Bed

Remember as a child when there was something you feared that wasn't necessarily tangible. Something that you hadn't really seen yet...but knew was lurking. Something that hadn't hurt you...but you were afraid it could. Something that you weren't certain other's really believed was even there...or at least they weren't aware of it like you were.

Something like a monster under the bed.

That's what Spina Bifida is to us.

It's hidden. It's illusive. It's unpredictable.

It's easily forgotten when it's sunny and you're playing outside.

It's terrifying when it's dark and you can't see what's lying in front of you.

Like the shadows on the floor or the mysterious noise from the closet, it lurkes.

It's not obviously scary like the growling, chained up dog in your neighbors yard. And it's destruction is not easy to spot like a fire or tornado. But it's scary. And it's destruction is formidable. And though it may not always seem tangible. It's real. And the fact that others can't see it, and that sunny days make the shadows disappear, make it easy to live unafraid...most days. And that's what makes it even scarier.

Monday was not nearly one of our scariest days...but it wasn't without shadows. It started at 9:30am with a visit to the pediatrician. Jet has been "off" the last few weeks...appetite low...fussy...not sleeping as well as he usually does....did I say FUSSY?! (lol) But nothing really horrible. No fever. No inconsolable crying. No vomiting or other symptoms you look for in a sick child. Just not himself. Now my fellow Mommies of BWS (Babies With Shunts) understand that "not themselves" is an early symptom of a possible shunt malfunction. Loss of appetite, fussiness, vomiting, fever, etc. are also all signs to watch for. Well...Jet didn't have all of these, but he had some. And while my gut told me he was okay - I was worried enough to check it out.

So we went to the pediatrician who proceeded to check for ear infections, UTI, a cold, ANYTHING that could explain the change in behavior the last few weeks. After some poking and pricking and searching and cathing and CRYING! (ahh!) they found nothing.

No illness. No infection. No news is good news?

Not so much. Not yet anyway. I knew where this was going.

In that moment I caught a glimpse of what could have been a green, hairy arm reaching out from under the bed to grab me and the doctor said "with Jet's history, I think we should call his neuro"

- which translates - it could be his shunt.

Well I could see on his face that he thought it WAS his shunt - I really didn't think Jet was acting bad enough for this to be the case - but the worry seed was planted and we had to make sure. We were off the hospital.

To the ER.

No one wants to go to the ER. It's loud. It's a long wait. It's germy. It's just not where you want to go after already spending hours at a doctor's office. But there we were. Jet sleepy and ready to be home. Getting hungry again but not allowed to eat until the doctor gives the okay. More poking and examining (by this time Jet is crying when anyone walks into the room) one CT scan (a HUGE answer to prayer that he stayed still), a series of x-rays and endless rounds of "happy birthday" later (Jet's new favorite song...we've been practicing...:)) we were done.

At least we hoped we were done. The results would take a little time.

So we waited.

And rocked in the squeakiest rocking chair known to man.

And waited.

And played on the 2 foot radius of the hospital bed.

And waited.

And went through the contents Nina's purse.

And waited.

And called Daddy (bad idea...Daddy on the phone is just not the same apparently).

And we waited...till the doctor came.

And then we listened to the doctor

(Jet hiding in my neck and me mentally kicking the monster back under the bed).

And thank you God - all was well.

Nothing to fear.

We had turned on the light and searched under the bed only to find some old tennis shoes and a few dust bunnies.

No monster this time.

But like all monsters under the bed...we know that doesn't mean it's gone for good. It just means it saw the flashlight or heard the grown-ups coming and moved to the closet or something.

(Monsters are tricky like that.)

But for now, we feel better. We feel safer. We feel thankful.

And with the assurance that the monster is at least gone for now...we can finally rest. We can close our eyes and give in to the sleep that inevitably follows days spent at the doctor

...and of course, chasing away monsters.

Accomplishments

Jet and Mommy rode in the car,

Down to Flordia (very far)

with Nina, Papi and Uncle Nate

To see Aunt Kayleigh Graduate!

Some yummy coffee will help keep

the grown-ups from falling into sleep

It's okay for babies to rest,

Then a break of "superman" flying is best.

Finally we find Aunt Kay!

Family Fun time on the way!

Fun in the Sun...

A dip in the pool,

Mommy that was really cool!

Speaking of cool...who could these cool cats be?

A cute pair of graduates down at FC

Among all these people the baby is shy...

And he's really not sure about this guy...

But a kiss from Aunt Kay is a calming touch,

Congratulations Aunt Kay! We love you so much!

So much to be proud of,

We're beaming with joy...

When we got home

we had a CRAWLING boy!!!

The whole trip he wasn't aloud to get down,

For a baby there's just no good spot to sit down,

He went from person to couch to bed to car

(He was never aloud to go very far)

So when he was home and could finally move

We were shocked to see him really get in the groove!

Such a great accomplishment! Let's give a cheer!

The Jet man is crawling...and TROUBLE is here!

Happy Mother's Day

The most precious part of my life was celebrated today. And it was perfect.

PERFECT. Just like him. Just like the One who made him that way.

Just like I prayed for him to be.

Precious and Perfect in a way that not many would understand until they see it.

And even in his "imperfections" I am reminded of how he was healed and Who made him whole. I am reminded of how His strength is made perfect in our weakness.

And I am filled with love, gratitude, and awe - that I was chosen to be the mother of such a perfect gift.

My sweet little boy picked my out my first Mother's Day gift and it was perfect too...

A beautiful flower ring (and no I didn't find it in a tree...that's just my attempt to display it. lol)

...no doubt he wanted to play with it as much as give it to me...but the fact that his little hands reached for it while shopping with Daddy means the world. I love it. I love him.

And feeling such love also makes me so thankful once again, not only to the friends and family who've loved and encouraged me my whole life! But to the friends who helped me enter this enchanted world of "motherhood" with all it's twists and turns. The friends who can only be described as heaven sent - sweet unexpected gifts from my Father above to help me during a time that was the most difficult time of my life. These angels, who are mother's to "Little Miracles" of their own, are still coming into my life every day. I am so blessed to know them. They are strong, loving and inspirational women with whom

I now share a bond I never knew I was missing. Our God has a plan.

To these mothers, and these miracles...I wanted to pay a special tribute. :)

Thank you so much.

And Happy Mother's Day.

(you will need "pause" the playlist playing on the right margin of the blog to hear the video)

Tastes Like Chicken

Because it IS chicken!

Jet should be a spokesperson for the chicken industry or at LEAST for chick-fil-a...That boy loves nuggets! And we mommies love it too. :) Tearing them up into little bites when they're still HOT...not so much love there. But I do it for my boy! Anything that gets him excited about eating and I'll fix it. Tonight wasn't chick-fil-a - but chicken was served and Jet ate his share. :)

He cracks me up with his appetite - he LOVES LOVES LOVES (I mean he says "mmm" and opens his mouth for more) chicken, anything with a tomato base (soup, pasta, pizza...but no babyfood), cheesy things, refried beans, broccoli cheddar soup, ICE CREAM, pudding, ham (lol. yes. ham.) and most bread.

Things he WON'T touch - applesauce, veggies, most babyfood, baby cereal, bits of fruit (like mandarine oranges, pears, plums...too weird for him. He makes such a FACE!). And things that he used to love and has had a falling out with - oatmeal, grits, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes. May they rest in peace.

I'm sure it's only the beginning of foods to bite the dust. I just hope prunes aren't next. We NEED our prunes. :)

Eat Up Ya'll!

An Apple a Day...

Keeps the frownies away.

I can't be sad when I look at him. Not that I have any reason to be sad right now.

But just in general. :) He's a happy-maker.

Looking back at a few weeks ago...pre-haircut and front tooth still hiding...

I find myself smiling at the pictures never posted. Wondering how I ever filled my days with anything that didn't include Elmo, sticky floors or unidentifiable food on the rug. Thankful for every goofy smile and the existence of non-dangly earrings. Marveling at how I somehow ended up with the baby I had always dreamed of - even after what seemed like a nightmare. And thankful for the simple joys of eating a juicy apple...or at least gnawing on one. :)

The Big Picture

Thanks to my good friend Sarah I've changed up our blog look. :)

It's like seeing Jet on the Big Screen! lol.

I can't get enough of him...but I guess I'll share a little.

Getting ready for lunch on the patio with the Jet-Man.

Kitty!

Where'd Kitty go?

How do I get down from here?

Trying to lure Kitty with a banana puff...look closely and you'll see it.

Needless to say it didn't work. :) Oh well.