My Super Sweet 16 Month Old!

Sixteen months and growing stronger

Naps are shorter (days are longer) ;)

Taking over an hour to eat,

Still a fan of all things sweet!

Loves to push his cars and trucks.

Can point to show us "cows" and "ducks."

Throws everything to hear the sound -

It makes when it comes crashing down.

Crawling, clapping, cruising, climbing

(How long can Mommy keep up this rhyming?)

Some of my favorite things to date:

How about when you sleep in late? :)

Holding my hands and wobbly walking,

How hard you try when you practice "talking."

Or how about in church this morning

When you let a squeal out without warning.

And why is it when we're singing - you're still?

A "perfect angel" (if you will)

But when we pray and things are quiet -

That's when you choose to start a riot!

Oh little boy you are such a mix

Of sweetness and love - and temper and tricks.

We love all you are and have yet to become -

Our super-sweet, silly 16 month old son. :)

(thank you to my sweet and talented friend Sarah Tunstall for the amazing pictures. ;) I can't wait to see more!)

Life Portraits

I love taking pictures. (You're thinking "Oh - you don't say? I hadn't gathered that by the hundreds you've posted of on this blog" lol.) But I discovered that I love 2 different kinds of pictures. I love pictures like these...

Crisp, clear, vibrant - capturing bright and beautiful moments. Positive, pure and pleasant.

These pictures make everything seem more alive. I think "wow...look at those eyes...those little teeth." I love the detail . Everything is in focus. The subject is obvious. The feeling is happy. The purpose is clear.

I also love pictures like these...

A different kind of beauty - a little mysterious - a mix of light and shadow. The image isn't as clear or focused - it's slightly hidden and and blurred in places. Not as easy to read - but it has a certain kind of magic and charm that makes me want to stare at it longer - causing me to wonder...and daydream.

It doesn't just capture a smile...it captures a moment.

And as I thought about how I like them both - it reminded me of how life falls into similar categories. Sometimes it's bright, clear and easily navigated. The details are visible and arranged in a lovely sort of way and your purpose seems clear. Other times, things aren't as well-defined.

The future seems blurry and you're not sure what to focus on.

There is light...and there is shadow.

What is amazing is that there are the blessings in those moments - learning to trust, letting go of perfection, finding beauty in simplicity or renewing your faith from fear of the unknown. Sometimes it takes being unable to see our future...for us to stop and really look at our lives. At how much we are blessed. How much we are loved. How much we can give. How much we've been given.

So as much as the photos are different - and certain times in our lives are different

- at the core of each there is beauty.

The beauty that sometimes we DO get answers and meet with success and validation.

And the beautiful knowledge that during times of "not-knowing" our faith is growing.

Life can be difficult. I'm not sure why that still surprises me. This is not a perfect world.

But life can be so beautiful. I love when beauty surprises me. And His strength is made perfect in weakness.

And living my life with that focus...I don't have to be able to see every detail. I can find beauty in light...and in shadow. I can feel confident in the blessings I see...and the hidden blessings that may take time to reveal.

And I can love these snapshots of life for the ways they different - and the ways they are similar.

Because they are beautiful.

And they are life.

Oh do you know...

...The Muffin Man?

He's always up for something sweet,

These muffins were a special treat.

Made with love from Grandmother Penny....

Jet says he's not sharing any. :)

Mmmmm.... Thank you Grandmother.

Cheerier Cheerio

Let me just say "wow" to the nurses, doctors, and mothers of multiple children - you have my deepest respect - because having a sick baby will wear...you...out. We didn't end up in the ER or have to have surgery or any other horrible things that I know we could have gone through - for that I am so grateful.To be honest - I'm not exactly sure what was going on except at this point I'm thinking it was a combo of cutting multiple teeth (including 2 molars) and the dreaded and long-battled constipation. And it wasn't like he was up all night or making me pace the floor with him - it was really more emotionally exhausting then physically.

I don't know how people do it who have more than one sick baby at a time - or a sick baby and other healthy kids to take care of - or those who do this a profession - I commend you. It's simply not fun. And it's not just the being sick part - it's the "what's bothering you" part and the "what can I do to make it better" part and the "should I take you to the doctor" part and the "I hate it when you're this sad" part. The questions he can't answer. The questions I can't answer. The questions doctors can't answer. It's a guessing game - and I don't know anyone who likes guessing games. I like "this is exactly what's going on here and this is how you fix it right away" games...

but oddly enough we rarely get to play those! ;)

I know sick babies is something all mommies deal with - but when you throw the "SB card" in there it just shakes things up a little bit more. There are some "extra" questions running through you mind (is it another UTI? Are we gonna have to start cathing? Is it his shunt? Am I being naive in thinking I'd know what a shunt malfunction looks like - I've never actually seen one...?.) So Thursday I let out a big "PHEW!" when he seemed better and today I'm breathing a deep sigh of relief as I type and say "Thank you God for a much better day, a much happier family, a less-stressed mommy and a much cheerier Cheerio-wearin' little boy."

I am so happy to see you happy again.

While I like the snuggles and rocking time we shared the last week...I missed your curiosity...

and your sweet ability to play with anything...

The way you refuse to look at the camera, and when you do it's like this...

The way even though you won't look at me, I don't mind taking 100 pictures of your curls...

...those sweet curls that I keep saying I'm gonna cut off...I must be crazy...but I did mistake you for a little girl when Daddy on a run pushing you in the stroller and I had to do a double take when I realized that "cute little girl" was MY little boy.

Oh you little boy, you.

I know someone who may not be so happy to see you up and around again...

But I sure am!

Someone

"We worry about what a child will become tomorrow,

yet we forget that he is someone today" ~Stacia Tauscher

I came across this quote and it spoke to me.

I know I'm not alone in feeling that I need this reminder daily. Not that I worry daily - I really don't feel like I do. But there is always that tendency in the back of my mind to try to plan, predict, prevent - and I forget to take pleasure. Pleasure in the little joys all around me - the simple things I take for granted. I become stressed so easily I'm ashamed to say - frustration always seems to be just underneath the surface of my emotions. Frustration at doctors, the insurance company, the million things on my "life to-do list" that flitter around my head and remind me I haven't done them yet. I sometimes feel like I've got ostrich-syndrome and just bury my head in the sand when things get to overwhelming. I think "I can't deal with this right now!" I recently told our Children's Medical Services coordinator (when she asked if we'd applied for SSI yet...and no...we hadn't) that "on the days he's sick, or has doctors visits, or PT I just don't have the brain cells to remember these things...and on the days we're fine...I just don't want to remember these things...I want to enjoy normal life! I want to read books, and take my baby to Target and not have to think about SSI." She was totally understanding - and I didn't feel like it was a great excuse...but it was true. And I left feeling frustrated again with myself for not being more proactive. There's so much I need to do! Why?! Why does it never end!?

But then I heard about a family who lost their 5 year old daughter to brain cancer. And then another family who lost their 2 year old in a horrible accident choking on a piece of apple. And I remember all the little babies lost at birth like little Eli - so many tragedies - so much heartbreak. And I am overwhelmed with how life can change in an instant - how at any moment it could all end and I wouldn't have these frustrations anymore...but at a cost that no one ever would want to pay.

And I stop right then and praise God for His mercy and wisdom. For showing me perspective every time I need it -and loving me in ways I can't see on my own.

I am so thankful for the doctors and the phone calls and the paperwork - because they mean I still have this little someone...

Someone who is worth it all - and I can do it for him.

Someone who takes joy in the simple things like kitties and the feel of the window -smooth and cool on his skin.

And I don't really have it that bad after all...

The truth is I have it so, so good...

Lord - help me never to let my worries of the future cloud the joys of today.

Because I have so much to be joyful about.

The Man of Your Dreams...

...Is here...

Okay - so you may not all dream of the guy I'm talking about - but if you've been outside the house in the last 2 years...you know exactly who this is.

Even Jet has read up on the subject.

(I found him perusing my copies a few months ago.)

And chances are you've dreamed of him.

At least once.

And yes, daydreams count.

So combine that dreamboat with this one....

And you've got one killer combination. :)

(If you listen closely, you can hear girls scream across the nation)

Ladies - try not to swoon.

Jet wore this shirt for good reason today...

We had the pleasure of attending a birthday lunch for the previously mentioned Aunt Michelle!

And yes...she dreams of him.

There were balloons!

(much to Jet's delight)

And some yummy food...

And best of all...great company.

Mommy wants in on a little of that action!

Come 'ere you.

I'd walk off into the sunset with you any day. :)

xoxo

I love you sweet boy - you are what dreams are really made of.

Beginnings

This week was a week of beginnings.

New beginnings for our newlywed friends who were off honeymooning...

Baby beginnings for new parents....

(Baby Bryce. Isn't he gorgeous?)

And some special mommies who are newly- expecting. Having another baby after SB has rocked your world can be nerve-racking as well as wonderful. I admire them greatly and I'm so happy for them! Keep them in your prayers. :)

(Congratulations Karen and Erica)

Of course one of my favorite beginnings...

...the beginning of Fall...

(Taken at outside the window at Starbucks...cool mornings and coffee are a perfect combination.)

And of course the beginning of Fall football (which is a misleading term because I'm well aquatinted with football and I'm pretty sure it graces our TV till March or something crazy)

But probably the sweetest beginning in our lives is the beginning of this...

Our little man is showing the beginning signs of walking. :)

Just 2 days ago at PT he was unwilling to let go of the couch - any time we set him up to a walker or tried to support his elbows or torso and walk with him, his went all "noodle-legs" and wouldn't budge. Jet was a sit-down protester who's motto seemed to be "if it's not my idea...I'm not having any part of it." (Did I say this was my favorite age? This "exerting independence" thing is cramping my style! lol..)

I've been seeing him get stronger and kinda thought "what's the hold up?" It's hard not knowing if your child will walk - and we've faced that...and we still worry sometimes about how much he'll be able to do and for how long...but when you think they CAN walk and just aren't interested in trying...it's hard to be patient. I told myself "you're being ridiculous...just wait...he's coming along...he's come this far already...just wait." But then I started second guessing myself. "Am I not pushing him hard enough? Do we not do enough PT? Should I be more actively pursuing this?"

What is the perfect balance between patience and pushing???

I worry I'm not doing enough. Not doing it right. Not doing the best for him.

It's not right for me to worry. I need to trust more.

And as if to remind me of this...Jet suddenly decided he was ready to start this process. :)

As of Friday, he's holding our hands and taking steps and just GOING!

He's a rock star. I'm so proud of him.

I know it's only the beginning. And I'll need to remind myself to be patient because it's my understanding that "letting-go-of-mommy's-hand/the wall/the couch-and-walking" is a different story. But I'm so happy to see him at the beginning of something

that is so symbolic of everything he's been through.

Now is walking the only thing that has been threatened by having SB? No. We still have many other hurdles that I'm not yet certain how to jump over. Things that we are not happy with and want to fix - things we wish were easier for him. Things we are not sure how we are going to deal with them or what the best option is. And there are many other things that have yet to be a problem...but could be. And we'll face them as they come - thankful for the days we haven't had to face them.

But right now...we're smiling.

And swinging.

And sliding.

And holding on to each other.

(with Aunt Kelly, Michelle and Katie at the park. He had a blast! So spoiled by those 3 ladies.)

Walking hand-in-hand.

I actually can't think of any better way to walk.

Walking is by no means the only wish we have for him - not even the greatest. Do we want him to walk - absolutely - I praise God that he has come this far - but will we be devastated if he can't some day down the road. No. Honestly, no.

Please don't get me wrong, I am not being pessimistic or saying that I wouldn't be heartbroken in some ways. Of course I would. But in a way we had to come to terms with that possibility once before and we were okay. Why? Because there is so much more to life - so many blessings we've seen and been given.

I know so many amazing children who can't or will not walk unassisted or otherwise and they are everything I want for my child - they are inspiring, kind, energetic, smart, strong, loving and HAPPY!

Who could ask for more?

So even though it's hard work sometimes...

(walking is exhausting)

Right now...

Today...

I can't imagine being happier.