Never thought...

I never thought when I started this blog that I'd go from writing twice a week....to twice a month....to twice a season...but as with so many things...there is just so much in my life I "never thought" that is "oh so reality" that I've learned to embrace it. Or at least, I'm learning to embrace it. For example...

Never thought I'd be happy again after my first pregnancy ended quickly in a miscarriage that shook me so deeply I cried every day for so long I thought I'd never stop. 

But the joy I felt when I heard my 2nd baby's heartbeat for the first time was overwhelming.

Never thought my heart would heal when we were told that the beautiful boy I was carrying would mostly likely die at birth.

But then God granted us a miracle and gave our baby a second chance at life.

And though I dearly loved the angel I carried, I never thought he would be able to enjoy certain gifts that most children experience. I never thought he would run with the other kids at the park, or kick a soccer ball, or climb a hill....all of which he has now done. 

But amazingly enough, his first steps would be more beautiful than any of those things I thought we'd miss.

I never thought that Plan B would be even more beautiful than I could imagine.

I feared my baby would feel different, left-out, cheated somehow...

I never thought at 3 years old he'd be so happy just to be him.

Never thought I'd experience my greatest joy...through my greatest heartbreak.

But here he is. All curly-locked-lovey-lashed-29llbs of him. 

And he's pretty much the coolest...person...ever.

Never thought I'd plan spontaneous picnics just because it's summer....and I found a picnic basket in the garage that we'd never used...

....picnics consisting solely of chicken nuggets...

...and m&m cookies.

Never thought I'd let my kid eat  goldfish crackers for breakfast, toast for lunch, chocolate chip pancakes for dinner and run barefoot through the park barefoot...

Never thought I wouldn't mind being incredibly silly in front of complete strangers just to get my little boy to laugh...

Or learn to set the self-timer on my camera so I can run back and forth from the camera so many times I am sweating and out of breath - just to  get some photos to remember the outing.

Never thought I would feel so content just being outside, on a weeknight, with a noisy, barefoot little boy.

Never thought I'd take this little boy to preschool TODAY for the first time at a BIG not-for-babies legit elementary school. I don't know what I pictured. Maybe a one-room schoolhouse with 1-1 teacher-to-kid ratio, a pet rabbit, homemade cookies every day and a rainbow slide. But certainly not a big brick school building with a crossing guard, bus port, hallway upon hallway of classrooms and a cafeteria the size of our house. Nope. I never thought I'd drop my 3 year old off where I went to elementary school not too long ago. But I did. And he ran into his classroom with a smile on his face and never looked back.

 Never thought I'd take my kid to school and want to bawl my eyes out either. 

Even today...I'm 0 for 2.

But that's ok with me. Because as usual...

...he rocked it. 

And through the ups and downs and twists and turns of this journey called life...I never thought I could be so blessed... and so happy...and so at peace...

...when I apparently "never thought" things out very well at all.

And thank goodness I didn't.