Can you hear me now?

Our little guy turns 20 months tomorrow (stop it right now little boy! you're approaching 2yrs too quickly) and although he has surpassed so many of our expectations - walking to the point of wanting to run - why do kids do that?! - and now able to carry objects across the room and even push himself up to stand in the middle of the room (wow. I mean wow. I was impressed) there is one area that had to be looked into. Speech. Our little guy is not a talker - though he has grown increasingly verbal as his walking has kicked in - his expressive vocabulary is still stuck at "mama" and "dada". He can find a ball, cat, ring, train, book, blanket, duck, cow, penguin, hat, puppy, cup, m&m, lion (should I go on? you get it right) in any scenario - but he has no interest in "saying" anything. Therefore we are taking the next step - a speech evaluation. The first thing on our "to-do" list from our PT was to have his hearing checked again. So while we were pretty sure he could hear - we couldn't be sure how well he was hearing each sound - so we took him yesterday for his hearing test. And...drumroll please....HE PASSED with flying colors. :) Our little guy can hear just fine - which means when I say his name and he doesn't turn around or I yell "stop!" when he's running away from me in Target and he keeps going...he's just ignoring me...cute Jet...real cute...

Almost as cute as these adorable Koala ears.

Thanks Auntie Katie - you're so crafty. ;)

So for now - we know it's not a hearing difficulty. So we can proceed with meeting with a speech therapist and see if she can teach my child to yell "No!" at me instead of "Baa!" like he does right now. Won't that be great. ;)

But I'm not too worried. I want him to be able to communicate with me - I don't want him to get frustrated - but he's pretty good at getting his point across - so I'm going to be patient with the "talking" and take it one day at a time. After all...that's how we got to this point...one day at a time and now my little boy is running down hills in his Nina's front yard.

To be fair there is really no way not to "run" down a hill with all that gravity working with ya.

And admit it - it is so much fun.

I have no idea what happened with this picture - but there is something kind of magical about it.

Everyday is something new -

Sometimes it's big - sometimes it's just little changes that let you know life is still going...

the earth is still spinning...

Laughter is still contagious...

Love is still abounding...

And all of it....all of Life...is a wonderful...beautiful...gift.

Because it's kind of a big deal...

I know you know.

Well, most of you know.

But even if you already know... or especially if you don't know...

I'm still gonna blog about it.

Because it's still new.

Because I'm so proud of him.

(lol. Don't ask about this pic...I'll only say we were running out of ideas. haha)

And because in our little world...it's kind of a big deal.

Jet. Is. Walking.

Oh yeah...go Jet...it's yur birthday....uh-huh...

Not just your occasional few teetering steps from the couch to the chair. Really walking. Now I'm not sayin he's ready to run a marathon or anything...but you guys...he is walking!!

(insert girly squeal, wide eyes, and hands in the air)

And you know what? Do you wanna know the most amazing thing about this whole experience?

It's you.

The fact that YOU - all of you - know what a big deal this is. The fact that I don't have to explain to you why I'm excited about it or why I still follow him around like he's gonna topple over. You're not the cashier at the checkout wondering why I'm letting my son walk around the store instead of just putting him the cart to make things easier. You're not the mom of the 1 year old who's running laps around my 19 month old - my 19 month old with hands high in the air to "balance himself" - wondering I'm the one grinning from ear to ear. You're not the receptionist at the doctor's office wondering why my 19 month old is still losing his balance a little then dropping to a crawl to get somewhere fast. I don't feel the need to say "He's just learning to walk...he was born with SB..." then beam at you like you have any idea what I'm talking about. :)

You've been there from the beginning.

You've loved us from the start.

And you know exactly what I'm talking about.

And you are beaming with me.

And that...knowing that...is the very best part.

Because every blessing, every milestone, every "we didn't know if we'd ever see him do this" is enhanced by the love, support, and excitement that we see in your faces, hear in your words, and read in your comments. Each step is more meaningful knowing you are right there with us cheering him on....shaking your heads in amazement...smiling with pride while your eyes fill with tears thankfulness to God.

Because it's not the walking itself that you love.

It's our little boy...our little miracle.

It's his spirit...his inner strength...his sense of wonder...the love he inspires.

Switch the walking for a wheelchair - does the pride go away? No! Does the love fade? Never! Do the tears of thankfulness to God, for this little boy and the life he lives, simply dry up? Absolutely not! I know they don't.

Because you and I are the same.

And the love, pride, support, and gratitude I feel for you and your sweet babies and children is the same. It's an amazing surge of pride when I see one of our little buddies roll over, pull to stand, use a walker/wheelchair/crutches/leg braces to move independently. Do you know why? It's not all the hard work they've done or the time and effort of their parents to get them their - don't get me wrong - I am inspired greatly by that. It is the stuff of heros. The overcoming of the impossible. It is the foundation of greatness. But the thing that brings joy to my heart and tears to my eyes are their smiling faces. The look on their face when they control their own movements - when they did it by themselves - when they know they are doing something amazing and new - when they feel that pride and happiness in their little hearts... and they smile. It gets me.

It really gets me.

I can't think of anything more beautiful, more inspiring, more uplifting...

...than that smile.

I know you know that smile. I've seen it on your babies. :) It's amazing isn't it? Soak it in. Let it fill you up. My cup runneth over with their smiles.

With his smile.

That radiant smile that is only made richer by the heartfelt smiles it brings about in all of you. You make our smiles into sunbeams that radiate beyond our little family, and bring warmth to a much bigger community. And what a blessing, what an honor, to be a part of that community.

To know we are not alone.

We are in this together.

And when we fall...

We will lift each other up and make each other smile again...

And we are holding onto each other every day...

...because as wonderful as this new gift is...

No one should ever have to walk alone.

Dedicated to all the little angles who continue to inspire us.

"Being deeply loved gives you strength. Loving someone deeply brings you courage"

- Lao Tzu

Snow Day

So if you've watched the weather channel in the last couple of days you may be aware...the South has SNOW! And not just the "oh wow flurries!" kind. The "can't-leave-the-house-cars-are-sliding-all-over-the-road-enough-for-real-snowmen-AND-snow-ball-fights" kind. It's crazy beautiful. Well...it was crazy beautiful...now it's lookin' kinda chopped up and muddy. But it's just amazing to see this kind of snow (the "covers-the-ground-sticks-to-the-road-and-doesn't-melt-by-noon!" kind) We heard it was coming...but in Georgia you have to "see it to believe it" when snow is predicted.

And let me tell you - I see it - and I believe it.

Now I know you big tough northerners look at our "little blizzard" like something to be ordered from Dairy Queen for dessert. But we are not prepared for this kind of snow in the South! The "schools-are-closed-can't-go-to-work-roads-are-closed-STARBUCKS-IS-CLOSED" kind! So after the state-wide rush for bread and milk - we are all stuck - at home - or wherever you were when it hit. And it hit fast! One minute it was poppin' up all over facebook "snow!" "it's here!" and David and I were looking out the window at nothing - not even a freezing rain drop. The next minute - it was POURING SNOW! (is that possible? Yes. Yes it is.) It was glitter-like and swirling around like confetti - big flakes - little flurries - making it all but impossible to see further than your front porch lights. Snow at night = magical. Unless of course you were driving in it! (silly Aunt Kay and Mr. Bat) The next day we woke up to this ...

Bundled up the Boo and ventured out.

It was deep! We're talking tops of your shoes here people! ;) And it was crunchy...and cold...and actually slippery. We decided it was not a good time to let Jet practice walking.

It really wasn't a good time to be driving either...but look who surprised us?

Aunt Kelly, Uncle Nate and "H.U." Robert (honorary uncle) :) came for a quick visit...and some snuggles.

And an idea for Jet to enjoy the snow.

Okay...so we enjoyed it too.

Which turned out to be better than Daddy's idea.

We didn't stay out too long - which was probably good as Boo didn't seem to be a big fan of the snow anyway.

Or maybe it's just cause we took him from his Uncle Nate. :)

Either way, it was a fun little outing for the little boy...

And the big boys seemed to enjoy it too...

So after playing (and by "playing" I mean "walking around very carefully") in our winter wonderland...we went inside, pulled off our wet boots and coats, and settled down for a long winter's nap.

But every time we looked out our window we saw this...

And knew more exciting things were just around the corner...waiting for us...

...just like they always are. :)

Anniversaries

The holidays are officially winding down in our house. Family has gone home, Daddy is back to work, the decorations are finally put away, and though a few houses around still have their Christmas lights up (and lets just face it...those aren't coming down...ever) it's beginning to look at lot like plain ol' winter. But this past week we did celebrate a birthday (Happy Birthday Mema) and we did recognize an anniversary. Actually...we recognized 2 anniversaries. Twins you might say...except that they are exactly one day apart. The first anniversary is not the kind you celebrate...but it is the kind you never forget. It is the anniversary of the day I felt my world crumble around me and I'd have liked to buried myself in the rubble and never come out. It is the day we were told our little unborn baby had no hope at a healthy, happy life. The day we were told to just give this one up and start over. The day we learned about SB. Last year - 1 year since that day - it snowed - covering everything with a beautiful light blanket of renewal, simplicity, and peace.

It felt as if God was whispering "I remember...I was with you...I am still with you...and I make all things new."

This past Friday marks 2 years since that day. And I still remember with perfect clarity - the heartache. I remember how the tears actually hurt my eyes as I sobbed. I remember how my head felt as if it would burst as I tried to comprehend what was happening. I remember looking at David...and then looking at nothing...trying to make my mind go blank. I remember hours of going numb...then suddenly feeling as if I was being ripped apart. I remember being so angry...but even more - so deeply hurt at how this could happen. How could He let this happen? And every time I hear about someone losing a child, anyone facing this kind of pain and heartache - it brings all those feelings back - and my throat goes tight and I cannot help but cry for them. Oh how I wish I could take it away.

No one should ever have to feel that way.

It's the deepest hurt I've every felt.

Crushing. Suffocating. Heartbreaking.

But this year, as I stood in my mom's kitchen and watched my little boy toddle around the floor and play with his Aunt Kay - amid the feelings of gratitude and love and pure awe of God's mercy - I felt a gentle reminder that this isn't the only anniversary I should be reflecting on...nor is it the most powerful.

For as I stood in the kitchen, my mom pointed to a family of bluebirds out the window - "Look" she said. "Look at how many there are today. On the day you found out about Jet's diagnosis - my heat was breaking for you. I remember coming to the window and looking out - and seeing the bluest bird I've ever seen. I'd been waiting for them and hadn't seen a single one all winter. They are my favorite bird - so beautiful. And I looked out the window and there he was. And I knew. God was taking care of you. God was going to make it all okay. And I just had to trust Him, and wait." I remember her telling me that last year, and this year as we stood there seeing at least 4 or 5 of God's little promises fly around her bird feeder,

I wasn't brought back to the day of pain and suffering...

I was brought back to the day of a beautiful miracle.

And there in my heart I celebrated the second anniversary.

The anniversary of the next day.

The day we got in the car and went for a second ultrasound. The "second opinion". Where the second doctor would check things out and tell us what was happening with our baby. For the second time I watched as the ultrasound tech pointed out our little one's tiny fingers and toes - but this time I cried silently through the whole thing as she was unknowingly tearing out my heart with every word she said. How could I look at my sweet little boy knowing I was going to lose him. Knowing he was not okay. When the doctor came in we were prepared to hear the devastating news for the second time.

But we didn't.

For in one day's time things had completely changed. Our baby did indeed have SB - but it was not as life-threatening as originally thought or seen on the first ultrasound (what? confused? read more here). I could hardly breathe - I was stunned - not willing to let myself believe him at first. But as we talked I not only knew that the doctor wasn't making any sense - I knew why he couldn't explain it -

"...the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned." 1 Corinthians 2:14-15

The reason the doctor's explanation sounded weak was because it wasn't medically reasonable. - it was divinely miraculous. God had made possible what I hadn't dared to hope for. I had prayed for a miracle - and God gave it to me - even when I didn't think it would happen.

I have never been so humbled. So thankful. So loved. So sure.

On the second day...God gave our baby a second chance at life.

I don't claim to know everything. Nor do I understand why some don't ever get to celebrate this "second anniversary." It breaks my heart to know that is true.

But I know God's hand is over it all.

And I know He loves His children.

And I trust Him to make everything new in His time.

So this year, I am remembering to celebrate that second anniversary.

The day God showed us He is still in control...

...and the day we learned everything is going to be okay.