Friday, April 26, 2013

A Parental Parallel

While my most recent posts have allowed readers insight into my own struggles and stresses - my personal weaknesses and worries - there is another in this household who is no stranger to anxiety. He has asked to remain anonymous in this post, so for this purpose he is wearing a mask.

This young man suffers numerous anxieties a day as he encounters the various roadblocks, injustices, and hardships of being a 3 year old. So I have decided to share with you just 30 of the reasons this 3 year old might be upset with me on any given morning. And I must warn you, it is truly heartbreaking...according to him.
  1. He doesn't want to wake up.
  2. He wants to watch a show.
  3. He doesn't want to watch that show.
  4. He can't tell me what show he wants to watch. I'm supposed to know.
  5. He can't hear the show, he needs the "memote" to make it "bigger"
  6. He wants chocolate waffles...5 mintues ago.
  7. He wants chocolate milk.
  8. There's not enough chocolate in his milk.
  9. He dropped a piece of waffle on the floor. And it's dirty.
  10. *Clover kicked her poop out of her cage onto the floor.
  11. He wants to pick it up and give it back to her and I won't let him.
  12. He wants to rock. 
  13. Not in that rocking chair. In the other one.
  14. He wasn't finished with his breakfast and I took it away. 
  15. He wants real clothes.
  16. He doesn't want that shirt. He wants  a super hero shirt.
  17. Not the batman shirt.
  18. Not the superman shirt.
  19. He wants the iron man shirt.
  20. He doesn't own an iron man shirt.
  21. He wants to wear a mask to school. 
  22. He doesn't want to comb his hair because then he has to take off his mask.
  23. It's time to go to school and he wants to play at home.
  24. I made him get in the car.
  25. He wants to listen to High School Musical 3.
  26. He doesn't want me to dance.
  27. He doesn't want me to sing.
  28. He doesn't want me to lip-sync.
  29. He doesn't want me to look at him in the rearview mirror.
  30. We've arrived at school. He doesn't want to leave me. He suddenly forgets how incompetent of a human being I have been thus far and wants nothing more than to be by my side. We part ways.
And that my friends. Is what true anxiety looks like. And he can't even take a xantax. Poor kid. 

Don't you just feel so sorry for him? I wish there was something I could do to make life happier for the little fella. But alas. It's his burden to bear.

*For those of you who haven't met Clover...

She also wishes to remain anonymous. So out of respect, I'm afraid I can't tell you which one she is. But she is happy to be a new part of our family.


Jamie said...

Ha, I love it. We have sooooooo many of those anxieties here too!

Amanda Ridding said...

That is hilarious!
I get a lot of "I don't want you to say no!"

ainemc said...

Hahaha, that made me laugh. Jet sounds a lot like Caitlin :)

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