Monday, March 7, 2011

Bad Luck

A recent conversation with my doctor brought me back to the time when were told about Jet's SB diagnosis. I told my doctor how the previous doctor (the specialist who found Jet's SB) just kept saying it was "bad luck" that Jet had SB. Just bad luck. It was his way of saying we had done nothing wrong, we had no warning signs we should have seen nor further prevention we could have done - it was just "bad luck." When I repeated his words to her she said "you could look at it as "bad luck" - or you can look at it as the journey you are on." I couldn't believe her amazing word choice (The Journey?! Hello! We call it that!) and I couldn't agree more. I left once again so thankful for my sweet baby - and inspired to write this.

Bad Luck
I still remember everything about that fateful day,
In disbelief we heard each word the doctor had to say.
It was as if my mouth was numb - the words inside were stuck.
The phrase echoing in my head - "it seems it's just bad luck."
Bad luck.
Bad luck?
I felt the words inside me rise again...
But listened to his description of the "bad luck" we were in.

"Your child may never walk - things for him will be quite tough -
hospitals and surgeries - a life like this is rough.
You have no family history, no health issues to blame,
If you were to do it over again - you could do it all the same.
There's no real explanation why things turned out the way they did."
It mirrored how you'd explain "drawing the short straw" to a kid.

Yet even as he looked at me - waiting for my reply -
I felt such joy inside me rise - I felt like I could fly!
"Bad luck?" I thought - I could scarcely keep the smile from off my face.
The "me" from yesterday could not believe this change of pace.
I looked at him and finally spoke the words I'd longed to say -
"So what you're telling me - is that he's going to be okay?"
He looked a bit confused - like for a moment he forgot -
That compared to yesterday - this diagnosis changed a lot!

In only 2 days time we'd been on quite a scary ride,
The fears that overwhelmed us - the tears that we had cried.
In only 2 days time we'd gone from mourning certain loss -
To facing a new bridge that we were now allowed to cross.
I felt as if a heavy weight had lifted off my chest -
What seemed to him as "just bad luck" - to me, was heaven blessed.
I felt myself begin to breathe - I fought the urge to cry
I felt him look expectantly at me for a reply,
"You see" I said "though you may think this news should cause me pain,
In contrast to the fate we've faced - it's like the rainbow through the rain.
For in the end - the news you thought was such "bad luck" to give -
Was in fact the greatest blessing - for this means my son will live."

Dedicated to my sweet boy,
my"lucky penny",
my Jet.
~ Love, Mommy ~
Jet - 9 months - St. Patrick's Day 2010
I can't believe how much you've grown!
We are beyond lucky to have you.


Micki said...

You know I was thinking of you guys today while making dinner and I was thinking about Shea and I thought, "If Jet hadn't had SB, you probably wouldn't have read any of the blogs that you did and you wouldn't have found Shea." I'm glad that Jet has SB, not because of the struggles and worries that will/has come from it (although really, parenthood is like that whether or not your child has something like SB), but because you were able to change Shea's life and you have been such a good thing for all these other parents of SB children. This may sound weird, but I think it was a blessing in so many ways. We all have our struggles, Jet's and yours will just be a little more obvious right now.

Colleen said...

Love you :)

truly blessed said...

i love this.
i love you.
you are such a gift.
you are a mommy to a precious gift too.
God is so good.
To Him be the glory, forever.
In whatever circumstances we are in, may we bring Him glory.

HennHouse said...

I love this... So heartfelt. So perfect.

Jill said...

Oh, thank you thank you thank you thank you. A million times over. It never ceases to amaze me that without knowing one of us will always post the exact thing that we need to read. I needed that for reasons I can't even put into words. Thank you. Perfect, as always.

Jamie said...

Very well put! I love it!

Our family said...

Love it! Great post! Jet is one lucky boy and soooo cute!

Sandy said...

Love it! You always have an awesome perspective! Love the Lucky Penny!

JourneyWithTheCrosiers said...

I love this so much. You see tonight my heart is heavy. Tonight one year ago I had no idea what Spina Bifida was. I had heard of it, but had no idea the pain it would bring my heart. The uncertainties I would be so scared of. The answers I would crave. The joy this little boy, with some silly diagnosis, would bring to our family. Love my Beckett so much.
Thanks Joanna. Love you! Without SB being a part of my life, I never would have met you or all of the other SB mommas I love dearly.
...this has turned into a post. Geez!

Ray, Star, and Tanner said...

Love this post & your poem! So heart felt and strong! Thanks for this, as I too needed the strength I got from reading it! Jet is so cute!

Scasmflops said...

Awesome! Absolutely wonderful friend!

Sheri Ruis said...

Your words lift my heart and spirit. I both smile and cry (at the same time) when I read them, understand them and feel them with every ounce I got. Thank you for sharing your journey.

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