A recent conversation with my doctor brought me back to the time when were told about Jet's SB diagnosis. I told my doctor how the previous doctor (the specialist who found Jet's SB) just kept saying it was "bad luck" that Jet had SB. Just bad luck. It was his way of saying we had done nothing wrong, we had no warning signs we should have seen nor further prevention we could have done - it was just "bad luck." When I repeated his words to her she said "you could look at it as "bad luck" - or you can look at it as the journey you are on." I couldn't believe her amazing word choice (The Journey?! Hello! We call it that!) and I couldn't agree more. I left once again so thankful for my sweet baby - and inspired to write this.
I still remember everything about that fateful day,
In disbelief we heard each word the doctor had to say.
It was as if my mouth was numb - the words inside were stuck.
The phrase echoing in my head - "it seems it's just bad luck."
I felt the words inside me rise again...
But listened to his description of the "bad luck" we were in.
"Your child may never walk - things for him will be quite tough -
hospitals and surgeries - a life like this is rough.
You have no family history, no health issues to blame,
If you were to do it over again - you could do it all the same.
There's no real explanation why things turned out the way they did."
It mirrored how you'd explain "drawing the short straw" to a kid.
Yet even as he looked at me - waiting for my reply -
I felt such joy inside me rise - I felt like I could fly!
"Bad luck?" I thought - I could scarcely keep the smile from off my face.
The "me" from yesterday could not believe this change of pace.
I looked at him and finally spoke the words I'd longed to say -
"So what you're telling me - is that he's going to be okay?"
He looked a bit confused - like for a moment he forgot -
That compared to yesterday - this diagnosis changed a lot!
In only 2 days time we'd been on quite a scary ride,
The fears that overwhelmed us - the tears that we had cried.
In only 2 days time we'd gone from mourning certain loss -
To facing a new bridge that we were now allowed to cross.
I felt as if a heavy weight had lifted off my chest -
What seemed to him as "just bad luck" - to me, was heaven blessed.
I felt myself begin to breathe - I fought the urge to cry
I felt him look expectantly at me for a reply,
"You see" I said "though you may think this news should cause me pain,
In contrast to the fate we've faced - it's like the rainbow through the rain.
For in the end - the news you thought was such "bad luck" to give -
Was in fact the greatest blessing - for this means my son will live."
Dedicated to my sweet boy,
~ Love, Mommy ~
Jet - 9 months - St. Patrick's Day 2010
I can't believe how much you've grown!
We are beyond lucky to have you.